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Aug 16 13

Dear Readers: See, what had happened was…

by Your People

Dear Readers,

I was going to do the #31WriteNow challenge – write 31 blogs in a month. But between life getting busy and dealing with a personal loss, I didn’t make it. So what had happened was…

Kendrick Lamar ethered Big Sean…on a Big Sean track

And everyone, I mean everyone had something to say.

Hugh Douglas pulled a “cornball brother,” got fired by ESPN

At the National Association of Black Journalists’ Convention, Hugh Douglas called Michael Smith an Uncle Tom, and was promptly fired. All because he was jealous of Jemele Hill. Sir, there’s enough checks out here for everyone to cash.

Kal Penn defends stop-and-frisk

The guy who looked like the most common target for stop-and-assault in the post 9/11 freakout openly stated that Black people should be stopped-and-frisk, since Negroes are criminals and what not. Who says racism has to be limited to white privilege?

Russell Simmons’ creates the “Harriet Tubman Sex Tape,” revives the #BlackPowerIsForBlackMen hashtag

Russell Simmons thought a slave rape joke was a good idea. And a Twitter musician who crowdsourced his way home on Christmas mocked the very women who helped him. Because.

I am your people, and that’s all the things I should have blogged about last week in this #31WriteNow challenge. I’ll try to do better. Or hope Beyoncé does something.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Phil Jackson , VIBE , Public Shaming , Twitter , ChescaLeigh , Carolyn Edgar , Eleven8

Aug 7 13

Dear Beyonce: You cut your hair and #BlackTwitter lost its Black azz mind

by Your People

THE-BEY-WIGGED

Dear Beyoncé,

The Mrs. Carter World Tour is over, which means it’s time to go home to Jay and Blue Ivy and do Mrs. Carter isht. And by getting the matching ‘mom haircut,’ Twitter went into a frenzy.

Dear Beyoncé, I am your people, and I think this is the smartest thing you’ve done yet. You just wrapped your world tour, and STILL haven’t announced if there’s even an album coming out. The haircut will throw the stans off for a while. And if they come back for more, you can always Instagram Blue Ivy’s toenail clippings. That should buy you another two weeks.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Twitter

Aug 4 13

Dear Don Lemon: we don’t have time for your respectability politics

by Your People

Dear Don Lemon,

So, after Trayvon Martin’s cold-blooded murder, you came out with a brilliant suggestion that would prevent unarmed Black men from being shot to death by (real or, in George Zimmerman’s case, fake) cops. Apparently, the real problem is that The Black Community TM isn’t respectable for White folks to treat decently. So you came up with a genius plan to…end racism? Anyway, your suggestions were….

Black people should stop saying “The N-Word”

Stop having babies out of wedlock As Mark Twain said, there are lies, damn lies, and statistics. Single Black women aren’t having hordes of children. The reason that the rate of Black children being born out of wedlock is rapidly increasing, is because the number of children being born in wedlock is decreasing. In fact, the overall number of Black children being born is in sharp decline.
But let’s get to the REAL issue here – why is an openly gay man lamenting the traditional family structure? A lot of the same people complaining about out of wedlock births are pissed that a few states will allow you to marry. So there’s that.

Finish school Yes, college drop-out Don Lemon, at the very least, Black people should finish high school. If only there were available public high schools to graduate from.

Pull up your pants Because if Black men dress better and get a college education, they will have better chances of getting a job that a White felon. Or not.

Stop littering Yes, it’s Black folks fault for littering, not the fact that predominantly Black communities are a common site of illegal dumping

Don Lemon, I am your people, and I’m going to try to help you dig yourself out of the Uncle Ruckus sized hole you’ve dug for yourself. Go to Fox News. Instead of staying at CNN, where your respectability politics are going to earn the wrath of #BlackTwitter, kick it with Larry Elder and @GOPBlackChick. After all, you want to take back the term “Uncle Tom,” (who begged for the forgiveness of the racists who killed him for they totally knew not what they did and what not) and have bragged that Geraldo and Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller co-sign your opinions. Plus Fox News pays a lot more money. (I want 10% for this advice, BTW)

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: illdoc1 , YouTube , Black News , CBS News , New York Times , Dragonfly Jonez , CNN , YouTube , Don Lemon , Don Lemon

Aug 3 13

Mini Blog: Blog Love

by Your People

Dumbest Tweets: Math is hard

Buzzfeed: 35 Childhood Books You May Have Forgotten About

Curly Nikki: Friends, Not Food

Fly: Lianne La Havas

Urban Bush Babes: Size is just a number

Dishin & Swishin: Podcast

Inny Vinny: Moar Shewz

Gawker: The Royal Birth Certificate

Things I Forget: Breaking Up

Sagey Says: Mermaid Queen

Concrete Loop: Jay-Z’s Picasso Baby

Awsomely Luvvie: The Amazing Chicken Noodle Soup Story

That’s What Gem Said: Two Degrees of Separation

I am Necole: New Beauty Regimen

Afrobella: Obsessions

Jezebel: Senegal re-imagines American films

OBV: Giveaway!

The Read: A Sweet and a Meat

Magnet for Foolishness: A to Z

Crunk-n-Disorderly: Tumblr Won’t Let Drake Be Great

Aug 2 13

Dear Clay Aiken: I say YAAAAAAASSS!

by Your People

Dear Clay Aiken,

So I haven’t paid attention to either you or American Idol since circa 2004, and aside from your Tootsee Roll out of the closet I have no idea what you’ve been up to since then. That was until a few hours ago, when Julie Klausner tweeted this glorious photo of you in the title role in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Everything about this is a win! As an old fashioned Christian known to taste the rainbow, who better to play a Biblical prophet wearing the pelts of all the Care Bears? You got me out here wanting to play the parachute game AND watch a Rainbow Brite marathon #AtTheSameDamnTime! Your hair is laid like Red Butler and I approve this look 10000%

Ruben Studdard is STILL sorry for 2004 and marrying the girl from the Tip Drill video , your hair is laid like the love child of Tilda Swinton and Conan O’Brien. Clearly you’re first in line to play Ginger in Spice Girls – The Movie. I am your people Clay, and as long as you don’t try to come for Quvenzhané Wallis’ part in Annie, I support all your glorious hair flipping adventures. This is so Gone With The Wind Fabulous. Now twirl!

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Twitter , YouTube , Rainbow Brite

Aug 1 13

Dear Athletes: you know you’re going to get caught slippin’, right?

by Your People

Dear Athletes:

So, you still think you can get away with cheating? Despite every professional sports league and governing body promising more testing, y’all still trying to be slick.

Ryan Braun, I mean, really? You really thought that we would buy that not getting your drug test into the lab on time would magically turn a clean test positive (well, in Aaron Rodgers case, he did literally buy the story)? And A-Rod, you’re good. So good, in fact, you haven’t actually failed a drug test. But that’s not stopping Major League Baseball from considering a lifetime ban. So take your $250 million to unemployment land.

And right now, Diamond League Track and Field competition is going on. But who isn’t there? Tyson Gay and Veronica Campbell-Brown. Gotta give a *slow clap* for trying to evade the most stringent testing in all of sports.

Now track, okay. Baseball, not surprised. But NFL? Now it’s getting personal. The preseason starts on Sunday, and…really Jarvis Jenkins? Andre Holmes? Just not ready for some football?

Well steroid-addled athletes, I am your people, and I’m not here to give accusations, I’m here to give advice. You may get paid in the short run, but your bad reputation is forever. But I am your people, and here’s my advice: when (or in A-Rod’s case, if) you return, first apologize. Then quickly change the subject. To Riley Cooper. You’re welcome.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Fox Sports , Washington Post , Deadspin , The Guardian , NBC Sports , NFL , SB Nation , Deadspin

Jul 19 13

Mini Blog: Blog Love

by Your People

Twitter: Terry McMillan needs to get her groove back, and apparently has learned nothing

Nova Slim: 15 Things Black People Must Do In Order To End Racism

Tumblr: We are NOT Trayvon Martin

DListed: Rae Dawn Chong’s stunt queen antics

Player Perspective: On Johnny Football

Necole Bitchie: Blue Ivy and Jay-Z

Urban Bush Babes: Riley gives a twist out tutorial

So Furious: The Read

The Cynical Ones: I have questions

Crunk-N-Disorderly: Tina Turner is married

Miss Jia: Suzi is STILL on Basketball Wives

Awesomely Luvvie: About #BlackTwitter

Concrete Loop: The Long Walk to Freedom movie

OBV: Why going green has nothing to do with the planet

Stiletto Jill: The ESPYs open

Inny Vinny: Uniform

Sagey Says: A gift of years in seconds

Up on Cloud 9: Random questions

Love, Health Advocacy: Oakland Protests

That’s what Gem said: I’m tired

Curly Nikki: Understanding hair butters and oils

Jul 8 13

Dear Jay-Z: Thanks for starting even more Illuminati talk

by Your People

Dear Jay-Z,

You’re f*cking with us, aren’t you? I mean, why else would the NSA be distributing Magna Carta Holy Grail? Now, most apps do have pretty intrusive access – they ‘know’ what other apps you have installed on your phone. But this can track the phone user by GPS, and incoming and outgoing phone calls.

Jay – this only means one thing…ILLUMINATI!!!!!! Like I said, you’re f*cking with us. Obviously, all this data goes to Samsung; it’s not like you Kanye, Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne are conjuring spells over our cell phone records (um, right?)

Unfortunately Jay, you’ve freaked everyone out, and have possibly prevented other artists from being to try this stunt due to privacy fears. But I am your people, and I say go even further. Use SkyGo to promote your tour. Put fake microchips in concert tickets. Put Illuminati symbols on the back of the concert T-shirt tags.

Then you and Kanye can read the Twitter reactions like

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Gawker , NY Times , YouTube , NPR

Jun 20 13

Dear Roland Martin: No one is here for your self-righteousness

by Your People

Dear Roland Martin,

This has been a major week for celebrity f*ck ups. Serena Williams blamed the Steubenville victim for being raped. Paula Deen turned out to be a flaming racist. Chad Ochocinco was sentenced to 30 days in jail (but only served 7) for slapping his lawyer’s butt in court. But you managed to top all of them – you thought it was a good idea to compare Paula Deen’s racism to Black people’s use of ‘the n-word.’

Congratulations, Roland. You have united Negro Twitter (Jack and Jill members, 3rd generation HBCU graduates, NPHC members) and Black Twitter (Negro Twitter’s cousins) to marching on your @replies in the Million N*gga March.

Roland, I am your people (apparently, the only one,) and here is my advice – just stop. Seriously, no one is here for you. If you aren’t good enough for CNN’s rapidly plummeting standards, then no one cuuuurrrrrr. And since that probably won’t happen, try to develop an Uncle Tom filter for Twitter.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: NYDN , Deadspin , Awesomely Luvvie , Twitter

Jun 19 13

Mini Blog: Blog Love

by Your People

Fury TV: F**k Candy Crush!
Curly Nikki: Boogie’s Fathers Day antics

Candy Diaries: What Lessons Have You Learned from love?

Player Perspective: Why JDan hates Larry Brown

Miss Jia: Reggie Bush has a beautiful new daughter

Dumbest Tweets: Where does the president live?

Inny Vinny: Everlane party!

So Furious: The Read, Episode 15

Racialicious: Casting call for a non-Asian with an “Asian accent”

Awesomely Luvvie: Paula Deen is racist

Urban Bush Babes: Metal heads Unlocking the Truth

Cele|Bitchy: Johnny Depp discusses his breakup with Vanessa Paradis

Sagey Says: Broken by the bad side of a good thing

The Cynical Ones: The Real Babymamas of Richmond

Jezebel: Diet pills will kill you

Deadspin: Chris Bosh is upset with Heat “fans.”

GabiFresh: ModCloth plus size launch

Necole Bitchie: Rihanna clocks a fan

That’s What Gem Said: Guns, Government and Groins

Magnet for Foolishness: Vegas baby!

The Fashion Bob: FLOTUS’ Carolina Herrera dress

I Am Necole: Facebook Interview

Black Snob: Obama says he’s not Cheney

OBV: Tesla + Fashion

Stiletto Jill: Heat fans leave early, try to re-enter American Airlines Arena