Colbert Nation: Accidental Racist takedown
Curly Nikki: Ball so hard

Fly Girl Blog: Drea’s Doodles

Urban Bush Babes: An Oversimplification of her Beauty

DListed: Janet Jackson quits music to become a billionaire housewife

Deadspin: High school baseball score is 65-0 after 3 innings

The Daily Show: #CNNfail

Jezebel: Vogue runs another blackface editorial

Jocks & Stiletto Jill: Venus and Serena Williams have a documentary

Us Weekly: Matt Lauer is a horrible person

Awesomely Luvvie: Senate, you had ONE JOB!

Inny Vinny: All Gold Everything

Cele|Bitchy: Kim Kardashian’s famewhoring was well-planned

Necole Bitchie: Quevenzhane Wallis in a dance-off

Racialicious: Being Brown in Boston after the marathon
]]> http://iamyourpeople.com/2013/04/mini-blog-blog-love-12/feed/ 0 http://iamyourpeople.com/2013/04/dear-brad-paisley-and-ll-cool-j-aint-nothing-accidental-about-this-racism/ http://iamyourpeople.com/2013/04/dear-brad-paisley-and-ll-cool-j-aint-nothing-accidental-about-this-racism/#comments Tue, 09 Apr 2013 07:55:21 +0000 Your People http://iamyourpeople.com/?p=1776

Note – search for “Accidental Racist” “Brad Paisley” “LL Cool J” in YouTube. The original video has been pulled, as have many of the rips. This video may be gone when you read this.

Dear LL Cool J and Brad Paisley,

I listened to your new song “Accidental Racist,” and after several minutes of punching the air, singing “Why Must I Cry” and wall-sliding into oblivion, I decided to finally write a review of your raggedy azz song. My commentary is in bold.

To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand, when I put on that t-shirt the only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan. (Here’s an idea – buy another Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt. Or wear another T-shirt all together. And real, you wore it to Starbucks? You’re just trying to start isht.)
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south. And I just walked him right in the room just a proud rebel son (If you’re using this phrase there is nothing ‘accidental’ about your racism) with an ‘ol can of worms, lookin’ like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view.
(Your point of view? You’re a white man in American, EVERYTHING is your point of view)

I’m just a white man (*takes out world’s smallest violin*) comin’ to you from the southland tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done. And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history, our generation didn’t start this nation, (You aren’t exactly refunding that white privilege now, are you?) we’re still pickin’ up the pieces, walkin’ on eggshells, fightin’ over yesterday, and caught between southern pride and southern blame. (Wait – YOU’RE picking up the pieces? Fighting over yesterday? How about quit being a d1ck and not wearing a rebel flag T-shirt to a Starbucks. And can southern pride be a simple state T-shirt you get at a tourist trap? I…I…just don’t have the time or 15 extra memory cards in my computer for this.)

They called it Reconstruction, fixed the buildings, dried some tears. (The F**************************CK? Slavery ended by ‘drying some tears?’ Perhaps you have forgotten Plessy v. Ferguson, the Civil Rights Movement, Stop and Frisk… ) We’re still siftin’ through the rubble after a hundred-fifty years, I try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to begin. But it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin (You can’t put on someone else’s skin. But TAKE OFF THE D*MN LYNYRD SKYNRD T-SHIRT.)

‘Cause I’m a white man livin’ in the southland, just like you. I’m more than what you see I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done. (But you’re masquerading around in that d*mn rebel flag T-shirt) And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history, our generation didn’t start this nation, and we’re still paying for the mistakes (WHITE PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR THE MISTAKES, WAIT…WHAT??????)That a bunch of folks made long before we came, and caught between southern pride and southern blame. (Never in my Black-azz life have I heard ‘Northern Pride,’ ‘Midwestern Pride,’ ‘West Coast Pride,’ or ‘East Coast Pride.’ And it’s only white people saying this. Cuz guess what –IT’S RACIST!)

Dear Mr. White Man, (Really LL? You started with that slave-azz greeting? Did Brad Paisley start with ‘Mr. Black Man?’) I wish you understood what the world is really like when you’re livin’ in the hood. (Thank you for perpetuating the stereotype that there are no poor white people. *slow clap*) Just because my pants are saggin’ doesn’t mean I’m up to no good. (You’re 40+ and saggin? My money’s on mentally ill, not criminal.) You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would. Now my chains are gold but I’m still misunderstood. (I legit have no idea what this means) I wasn’t there when Sherman’s March turned the south into firewood. I want you to get paid but be a slave I never could. (PLEASE don’t tell me that was sympathy for slave owners. I. Just. Won’t.) Feel like a new fangled Django, dodgin’ invisible white hoods. So when I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinkin’ it’s not all good I guess we’re both guilty of judgin’ the cover not the book. I’d love to buy you a beer, conversate (conver- NOOOOOOO!) and clear the air. But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn’t here.

I’m just a white man (If you don’t judge my do-rag) Comin’ to you from the southland (I won’t judge your red flag.) (WAIT….so a do-rag, something meant to preserve your hairdo, is the same as a rebel flag, which was meant to glorify slavery and racism? This is why Christopher Dorner went on a rampage) Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be I’m proud of where I’m from (If you don’t judge my gold chains) But not everything we’ve done (I’ll forget the iron chains.) (So you’ve got money now and we can forget slavery. *muffles scream in pillow*) It ain’t like you and me can re-write history (Can’t re-write history baby) (You do realize that’s EXACTLY what this song is doing? See: the Reconstruction verse)

Oh, Dixieland (The relationship between the Mason-Dixon needs some fixin’) I hope you understand what this is all about (Quite frankly I’m a black Yankee but I’ve been thinkin’ about this lately) I’m a son of the new south (The past is the past, you feel me) And I just want to make things right (Let bygones be bygones) (Let bygones be bygones? Can I get my 40 acres and a mule out this piece?) Where all that’s left is southern pride (RIP Robert E. Lee (I just had a seizure) but I’ve gotta thank Abraham Lincoln for freeing me, know what I mean (Y’all hell-bent on re-writing history) It’s real, it’s real It’s truth.

This song is exactly what white people want to think about racism, that it’s just an ‘oops’ moment, that tears were just dried after slavery. I don’t have enough patience to deal with all the racial and sociopolitical bullish in this song, since that would be a PhD dissertation. But I am your people, and you’ve done the right thing to remove the original video from YouTube. Now please abandon the name “Accidental Racist,” as it makes as much sense as “Accidental Rapist.” I…just…can’t…believe…this…happened…

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: New Playlist HD ,
Color Lines , Wikipedia , Tumblr

Dear Readers,

Happy April Fool’s Day! Hope you enjoy your spring break without getting pranked.

-IAYP

Dear Internet,

It is absolutely essential that your hair is right this summer. And courtesy of Twitternets, it is clear that waves are what’s hot.

Check this video out; our man Yung Alfalfa is dedicated. He will get his waves no matter what. He even took several days off of YouTube just to brush his hair. Are y’all not hearing his wisdom? He said you won’t see waves for a couple weeks. Most important, he is schooling y’all on when to put in water, s-curl juice and grease (in that order.) His #NaturalHair journey is not a game. He is all about that product junkie life. And you betta recognize: World of Curls – no. Sportin’ Waves – YAAAAAS!

Check out ya boy Lil Mason. He is irate that you aren’t watching his vlogs, peeping his Instagram and following his Twitter, where you can see proof that he isn’t using a perm kit to get all his wave (singular.) He is going INNNNNNN. He’s got more names than Diddy and has gone rogue and quit his barber.

Look Internet, I am your people, and clearly it’s all about those seasick waves. Quit hitting the gym to get beach ready – you’ll just sweat out your luxuuuuurious hair. But don’t worry, your biceps will get plenty of work brushing. Stay fly.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Instagram , YouTube , Twitter

Dear Kenya Moore,

I’ve watched your music video to “Gone With The Wind Fabulous,” and here is my review:

0:03 – Sounds like the intro to ”Baby Got Back.” On Fail.

0:15 – Next season on RuPaul’s Drag Race, a “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” challenge, with Kenya Moore as guest judge. Props for creating your own gig.

0:33 – Kenya, about you being stuck on 35 – all I’m saying is, Wikipedia and IMDb think your birth date is January 24, 1971.

1:11 – What is this? A Moore Vision Media remake of The Wiz? Are you the Wicked Witch of the Hood?

1:42 – “Look who’s old and washed up now?” Oh, I’m looking at her.

1:53 – What the Macklemore hell you got on?

2:09 – A “Single Ladies” remake? No good can come of this.

2:14 – Keep your snatch to yourself, ma’am!

2:20 – The fact that your background dancers are in the dark is a damb shame

2:22 – Don’t act like you didn’t think her was going to say “you say I’m gay.” Y’all betta co-sign! I am NOT the only one!

2:36 – Who do you think you’re making fun of here? Phaedra or yourself? Either way, you brought this foolishness into God’s house and Jesus didn’t die for this.

2:53 – I co-sign that “WTF?” look.

3:14 – Girl, no. We’re stealing House of Dereon glamour shots too?

3:36 – Make it stop!

4:05 – YAAS! Miss Lawrence giving FACE.

4:18 – OK, so I just figured out this was the ex-fiancé. LMAOOOO! Now this was a good one.

4:21 – And you’re accusing him of being a ho and gay #AtTheSameDamnTime. Don’t get mad, you chose to move to Atlanta.

4:24 – Hey Love Muffins…it’s B.Scott!

4:35 – You betta TWIRL B. Scott!

4:38 – The “Paw Paw” dance? I am HERE for this.

4:45 – Autographing as Beyoncé? Please don’t test the Beyhive, Kenya

5:00 – Not the children! Nooooooooooooo!

5:22 – What the Dr. Claw hell is that?

Kenya, you brought ALL the crazy to this video, and every last one of your personalities got her turn in the spotlight. Naturally, everyone on Twitter is ripping you to shreds, and the comments on YouTube are pure comedy gold. But Kenya, I am your people, and I won’t let you get destroyed by #BlackTwitter. Make it clear that you’ll do a million downloads by Gay Pride Day, as this is sure to be the official anthem this year. And as an entrepreneur and a CEO (I guess) this music video is nothing but a promo for your upcoming straight-to-BET masterpiece Trois 4: Trade vs. Shade. Now go shake that donkey booty and count those coins!

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Wikipedia , YouTube

Yet again, I had to take my laptop to the shop. For a record FIVE DAYS. Can’t believe I missed the Oscars blogging window. Well, back in business.

-IAYP

Dear Mississippi,

Why must you be the absolute worst? There’s your vote to keep the Confederate Battle Flag in your state flag as late as the early 2000s, and being dead last in everything that is good in America.

Oh, you think I am exaggerating? How does one state manage to have America’s highest obesity rate, highest teen pregnancy rate, highest poverty rate, highest rate of preventable child deaths and worst rate of health care availability. And now, you are dead last in ratifying the 13th Amendment, fully 147 years after it passed.

Now, Mississippi, I might halfway be able to forgive you for that. Obviously, it’s no surprise you refused to sign the Emancipation Proclamation in 1865. However, it’s not like it was forgotten until today; in 1995 you had the chance to ratify it, but had a paperwork snafu (yeah, right.)

Look Mississippi, I last visited you ten years ago, and was well aware that you think the Civil War is still going on. I thought I was joking when I said I might be sold as a slave (my fear of lynching still stands.) I am your people, Mississippi, and this story has continued to make the American South a global laughingstock. But here’s your chance to make it right – now that you’ve made one small step into the 21st Century, just finish it up with a giant leap, and quit priding yourself in your azz-backwardness. *deep sigh #wonthappen*

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Wikipedia , Guardian

Dear Vatican,

I hear you have a position to fill soon, and I’ve got a suggestion for you – Rev. Run for Pope!

Now, I know what you’re thinking; there are a few “qualifications” and what not to be pope. Like being Catholic. And celibate. And some other stuff on Wikipedia that I didn’t bother to read. I have one word – so?

Look Vatican, this may surprise you, but you’ve got a bit of a sex scandal on your hands. Who better to be the Holy Father than an actual father? You don’t need to worry about him and altar boys, since his first wife will tell you he loves literally all women his wife will tell you, he loves women. Rev. Run will fight harder against pedophilia than this “wait…WHAT?” pope has. Second, young people have been abandoning the Church in droves. Rev. Run’s son Diggy is on top of the wildly popular ‘mediocre rapper’ trend, and can put out a lukewarm Church-promoting single sure to be #1 on iTunes. And what do all people love? Reality shows. Pope Run’s House would get everyone crunk for Christ. And I know you still have lawsuits to pay off. Rev. Run’s Rolls Royce Phantom will save money on maintaining the Popemobile, and he’s got a closet full of hideous designer clothes; no need to buy a new miter, falda, and whatever else I still didn’t read on Wikipedia.

Look Vatican, I know Rev. Run is full of papal bull, but do you really need another AIDS-ignoring, pedophile-hugging, woman-oppressing cryptkeeper running the joint? It’s a tricky (ha!) decision picking the next pope, but he’s the perfect choice.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: MTV , Wikipedia , Necole Bitchie , YouTube

Dear Super Bowl,

It was really all about Beyoncé. Especially for me. Unfortunately, I decided to get sick on Super Bowl Sunday, and spent the first half trying not to throw up (you care.) But then…Beyoncé !

Yaaas! Mother brought the fierceness! And wait…

Kelly’s thicker than Bey now? When did that happen? She’s been eating good in London and I’m not mad at her! But someone wasn’t happy with the Destiny’s Child reunion. Because after halftime…

The Superdome lights went out. And I don’t know who to blame but…

I knew one of the lesser children of destiny was behind this! Even though there were other conspiracies afoot as well. Anyway, after being revived by Bey, I was able to watch the rest of the commercials game. Well, the 49ers tried to comeback, Ray Lewis fulfilled his destiny (the Beyoncé references will not end) and the Ravens won the Super Bowl.

Yes, the Ravens won the Super Bowl. I am your people NFL, and clearly, it was all about halftime. After being assaulted with years of geriatric acts as your way to make up from the Justin Timberlake fiasco, you’ve finally redeemed yourself. Next year, you know who to have…Jay-Z

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Brian Bee , BuzzFeed , Tumblr

Dear Media,

You know, there are some important things going on right now. Civil war in Syria, the Beghazi hearings, and, oh I don’t know, Kim-Jong Un PLANNING A NUCLEAR ATTACK ON THE UNITED STATES. So what are y’all covering? Manti Te’o and Beyonce.

Look, the Manti Te’o story was crazy when it first broke, but once we figured out that both Notre Dame and Te’o were trying to boost their Heisman odds by having him date a young woman with leukemia then deciding to have her die the same day as his grandmother, or that the strict Mormon, was in fact, in a romantic relationship with Roniah Tuiasosopo which is why he didn’t have a girlfriend on campus, he killed “her” when they broke up, and is now paying him off with future NFL money to keep the story straight we really stopped caring. There is no need for a million interviews with random ‘experts’ to give their input on CNN when you could be covering, you know, Kim-Jong Un PLANNING A NUCLEAR ATTACK ON THE UNITED STATES.

Then, of course, there was Beyoncé-gate. People accused Bey of lip-synching the National Anthem at the Presidential Inauguration. Problem – if you look closely, you can see that Beyoncé is singing along to her own vocals, and got slightly ahead of the backing track at about 0:55, hence pulling out the earpiece. Anyway, what was the result of the lip-synching issue? A casual mention? A non-mention? Or wall-to-wall coverage? Instead we got anonymous statements from inauguration planners saying she did lip-sync, then an official statement saying she did sing, but the Marine Corps band was pre-recorded.

Aside: this might be a case for Beyoncé to succeed Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. Notice this scandal caused a lot of rumors, back-tracking, snitching, and apologizing. I think is someone would have said “Secretary Knowles-Carter said Osama bin Laden was hiding in Savzevar, Iran, that would have been immediately followed with “NOOO! She said he was in Abbottabad, Pakistan, 3rd house on the left watching TV.” Okay, maybe not that, but don’t underestimate the Beyhive.

Legendary songwriter Diane Warren was not here for the controversy, and even Anderson Cooper put it on his “Ridicul-List.”

But media, I am your people, and I’m not going to dis you without being helpful. It’s time to let these old non-stories go, and focus on what matters. Like Kim-Jong Un PLANNING A NUCLEAR ATTACK ON THE UNITED STATES

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: , Twitter ,
YouTube , Tumblr