Dear Stans: Please stop

Dear Stans,

This has got to stop. Look – I know you love your faves, but other people are entitled not to like them. Basically what I’m saying is, you’re doing it wrong.

First of all, you can be a fan all by your d@mn self. Back in the day – before widespread access to the internet and when dinosaurs roamed the earth – there were fan clubs. All you had to do was buy a poster, camp out the night before a CD release to be first to buy it and buy a block of concert ticket when your fave came to town. There was no blood oath of fandom, and there were no fan names.

Seriously, what’s the deal with everybody having a team name? Chris Brown has Team Breezy, Keri Hilson has the Discount Bin (thank me later, Bey Hive,) Greyson Chance (never heard of him either) has Enchancers, One Direction (don’t know about them, either) have Directioners, Mariah Carey has Lambs…shoot, you don’t even have to be a big name to have a groupie title. YouTube celebrity Todrick Hall has Toddlerz, and socialite Bevy Smith has Lovers.

Okay, I guess if you want to join the Navy, fine. But what’s the deal with going to war? Look, these celebrities do not pay your rent. There is no need to waste your day searching for your favorite celebrity’s name on Facebook and Twitter and rounding up your fellow stans to launch Twitter attacks on them for dissing your fave. It is not. that. serious. Furthermore, celebs do fight back. And just because you didn’t get to go to Beyonce’s concert does not mean you need to throw shade at someone who did. Get your money up and buy tickets the next time she goes on tour.

Look stans, I am your people, and I’m trying to help without having you come for me, too. Seriously, this blog took forever to write cuz I’m scurrrrrred. You’re wasting precious time and energy being a soldier for someone who doesn’t pay your bills (shoot, they cost you money) when you could get a job or read a book. Remember, being a stan is exactly like being in a gang. When you join, it’s for life, and there’s no way out. Take it from me, one of Immature’s Images.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Buzzfeed , YouTube , Twitter , The Hollywood Gossip , ABC News , The Root , Wikipedia