Dear Athletes: Please stop rapping
Dear Steve Francis,
I saw your music video for “The Finer Things,” and here is my review:
0:12 – What, you couldn’t hire the “Maybach Music” girl to say this?
0:30 – The ‘rappers who sing’ trend needs to dies ASAP. And ‘athletes who rap’ should be a felony…or at least suspension worthy for up to 20 years after retirement.
0:46 – Does Chanel even make men’s sunglasses? (Real question – I’m rocking a $5 pair from Old Navy.) Please don’t tell me you stole Rick Ross’ label name and his sunglasses swag.
0:58 – I have never understood the iced-out crucifix necklace. Jesus frowns.
1:10 – “The shoes was Gucci?” Actually, the shoes was Loubies, but I honestly didn’t expect you to know that, so no shade here. *Kanye shrug*
1:24 – “New whips?” Well, it is a fly car, but a classic car. Sir.
1:53 – I’ve already shaded you for singing, but who is this non-singing chick doing the hook? Was she too ashamed to show her face in the video? She should be.
2:00 – Audio: Girl trying to holla at Steve since she notices him checking her out. Video: Steve having a family dinner with his wife and kids. #DirectorFail
2:07 – Is that Delonte West working in the kitchen? The lockout was no joke.
2:38 – Are chandelier earrings the official earrings of basketball wives? Just curious.
3:06 – I don’t care if this was a high-budget video. Dunking a $3000 weave in the ocean is unacceptable.
Franchise – like Kenya Bell, you’re 35 years old. There are certain dreams that, at a certain age, you’ve got to let go. Shoot, even after a shortened season, this video wanted me to see less basketball. The good news? This video was almost bad enough for me to forget Chris Bosh. Almost.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.