Hide Your Internet, Hide Your Computer
Dear Antoine Dodson,
I’ve seen your “music” (I use the term loosely) video, and here’s my review.
0:21 – “I’m trying everything, I tried to make it right” Translation: You tried to remain relevant, and the marijuana arrest didn’t do it.
0:26 – Wait – was this shot in a dentist’s waiting room?
0:33 – Neither Proactiv nor Pancake #35 were in the budget, I see.
0:48 – So it turns out this is a remake of a song Brent Morgan made with his fiancée. Desperate? Broke? Trying to…tell us something? I kid, I kid.
1:13 – Smize, Brent, SMIZE!
1:28 – Did I say this was a dentist’s office? More like an unlicensed dental assistant committing Medicaid fraud.
1:43 – Well, at least you have more edges than Naomi.
1:59 – I’m going to be nice not discuss the fact that you accessorized your Grunge Drag Queen look with a pink hair band and Brandy’s hairstyle from 1996.
3:06 – Show your support? N*gga, are you serious?
Okay, Antoine. We get it. You’re thirsty for attention. You spent your initial earnings on Gucci and an overpriced house, instead of beauty school like you initially claimed you would. Obviously, everyone is clowning this auto-tuned disaster, but I am your people, and I’ll help you get out of oblivion. For starters, try to get a reality show. Both Magic Johnson and P. Diddy are launching cable networks, so they’re going to need some filler shows until they get 24 hours of quality programming. Or you can try to be one of the Love and Hip-Hop chick’s gay best friend. If all else fails, you can go what the other briefly-famous YouTube star did.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.