Vanessa Bryant: proving, once and for all, (video) hoes be #winning
Dear Vanessa Bryant,
Congratulations on divorcing Kobe Bryant! Most people would think a divorce is a sad time, but I disagree. You met Kobe at age 17 while – of all things – shaking your underaged azz in an Eastsidaz video. You not only managed to marry Kobe, but with no prenup! Furthermore, prenup or no prenup – you were married for more than 10 years in California1, making you entitled to half his money, plus child support, plus spousal support. A chick from East LA with almost no education or marketable skills is now worth $300 million. You are truly living the American Dream.
Sure, based on paparazzi pics, people might clown your taste in fashion and plastic surgery but I am your people and I say don’t listen to the haters. You might be rich, but now it’s time for fame. Call up Shaunie O’Neal, because you, Shaunie, Evelyn and Kim Kardashian need to start a reality show called Basketball Ex-Wives: Hoes Be Winning Edition. It may cost you a few milli not to sign a confidentiality agreement in the divorce, but that’s nothing to you now.
Everyone loves trash TV, and everyone wants to see what’s really behind Kobe’s carefully crafted image. But don’t worry, it’s not all skanky, you’ll get to show your positive side, too.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.
1. Thank you Suze Orman, for breaking down what a “Community Property State” is.
Sources: Stiletto Jill , Twitter, The Kobe & Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation
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