Dear Rashad McCants: Time to smang another Kardashian

Dear Rashad McCants,

I saw your trainer for the movie “The Booster Club,” and this is my review:

0:15 – So, it opens with washed up porn star Traci Lords getting out of a shower. How bad could it be?

0:25 – Rashad, is there a reason your wig makes you look like Dumb Donald from Fat Albert?

0:42 – “Am I not your mother?” That doesn’t change the fact that you have to hustle for your keep, too.

0:53 – Really Traci? I mean, REALLY?

0:57 – This white woman is way to calm to be watching all these hooligan azz negroes going H.A.M. in her boutique

1:04 – Amy Bell delivered that line like a church girl that doesn’t curse but she’s making an exception this time since she’s “acting” and she gets paid to do this. (Spoiler alert: her check doesn’t clear)

1:08 – Why is this unintelligible line in the trailer? Are we going from Dumb Donald to Mushmouth?

1:11 – Huh?

1:20 – I have no idea what just happened

1:41 – Lamyia Good is the only one in the cast with a semi-valid IMDB credit. She’s also Meagan Good’s sister. The more you know.

1:46 – Is this in the welfare office?

1:56 – “I’m getting sick and tired of being a decoy.” Ma’am, if you’re a decoy at that age, your career options are limited.

2:08 – “It’s about to get real f*ckin mythological in this mother f*cka” *immerses laptop in water*

2:15 – I just…I just give up

Now Rashad, you’re going to take a lot of heat for this movie, because well, it’s terrible. And not only is this movie not in IMDB, all the actors in it have a filmography that is made up almost entirely bit parts in shortly lived TV series and straight-to-DVD movies. Well, I am your people, and I’m here to help you out. At age 27, you haven’t played in the NBA in 2 years, and it doesn’t look like the league is coming back anytime soon. Furthermore, when you Google your name, the first thing that comes up are pics of you and ex-girlfriend Khloé Kardashian (Who you dumped. Who is now married to a man who is still in the NBA and making money. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?) So just tell the truth – you can’t even get into the D-League (which isn’t locked out) and you gotta do what you gotta do to pay bills. It may be raggedy as hell, but at least it’s not Antoine Walker in bankruptcy court, right? But before you get too desperate remember this: Kimmy K just filed for divorce!

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Stilleto Jill