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Dear Marques Houston: This “movie” is just…

by Your People on September 5th, 2011

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Dear Marques Houston,

I’ve seen the trailer for your new movie Somebody Help Me 2, and this is my review.

0:01 – Is this an outtake from Rihanna’s “S&M” video?

0:09 – Waaaiiiiit – that’s not Jeff Bridges! #TheDudeLies

0:15 – There’s a great barber on Fleet Street, but Sweeney Todd isn’t the one

0:02 – For the record, this movie stars Khloé Kardashian’s assistant. It’s THAT bootleg

0:24 – She said “have you seen The Chainsaw Massacre? “ You know what’s sad? Trey Songz is starring in the real Chainsaw Massacre

0:28 – That tattoo? GO HOME ROGER!

0:39 – This is what I get for buying Scream from a guy who is also selling incense and stolen iPods

0:51 – So, you’re just going to jack Shakira’s props to make this mess of a movie? I guess…

1:02 – Tortured for 3 years? John McCain is not impressed

1:15 – Is that Tyrese? I mean, izz htat tyriese?

Marques, I watched a one-and-a-half minute long trailer and for the life of me I cannot figure out what this movie is about. Probably because I can’t get past the fact that this is movie is somehow a sequel to another no-budget flick. Now this movie is a hot mess, but I am your people, and I will give you some advice: just completely end your affiliation with Chris Stokes. According to this movie’s IMDB page

Aside: Who took the time to create an IMDB page for this f*ckery? And why are the plot synopsis key words: Tied Feet, Sequel and Tied Up While Barefoot. Tied Up While Barefoot???? I really hate everything about this…

Chris and the entire Stokes family are in this movie. And after the Raz-B situation, I don’t trust him. Look, if you need the money, quit doing these raggedy movies and get a reality show. It worked great for your former co-stars.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Concrete Loop , Necole Bitchie , Shakira VEVO , IMDB , DListed , The Style Network

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