Vintage Fail: Kris Jenner’s music video
In ‘honor’ of Kimmy’s wedding today, I’ll just let the Kardashians take over the blog for the week. DON’T LEAVE ME FOR THIS!!!
Dear Kris Jenner,
Here’s my review of your 1985 video, “I Love My Friends.”
0:05 – I thought this was Kris’ video. Kim and her paparazzi just HAD to butt in.
0:07 – But what’s with t*tty cam, though?
0:22 – Nothing says low budget like, ‘I can’t afford pants or shoes.’
0:33 – You’re 30 but you’re singing these elementary-azz lyrics?
0:53 – How do you transition from packing nine kids into a station wagon to buying $1000 purses? Hustling backward much?
0:55 – Bible study? *muffles uncontrollable laughter*
1:12 – I love how this video unironically transitions from a male stripper to Valentino to church #FlexOnTheDevil
1:14 – Note the production quality – you can see the cameraman’s reflection in the mirror
1:28 – And now we have a montage that proves that you’ve always been a wealthy socialite who’s never worked
1:52 – Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson make a cameo. We get it. You’re rich.
2:15 – And this video got corporate sponsorship? I can’t…
2:30 – Wait…OJ was at your wedding?
3:06 – I could have done without the bathtub shot
3:13 – Given that this was the ‘80s, that’s about $10,000 worth of Cabbage Patch dolls
3:24 – Really? OJ? AGAIN?
3:30 – A rare, vintage shot of virginal, non-plastic surgerized Kardashian girls. Up next: a dodo riding a unicorn
3:36 – Kris cooking? Girl, stop
4:02 – Oh, so it was girls who wrote these lyrics. Still the most intellectually stimulating things they’ve written
4:07 – I can’t believe a production company wants to take credit for this.
Kris, this talentless, ‘I’m just going to do stuff because I have money’ is a portend of things yet to come. I am your people, and I’d like to say Kongratulations on getting über-rich by doing absolutely nothing.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.