Dear Kids: It’s time to get a hobby
Dear Youth of the Planet,
Read a book. Visit a museum. Get a d*mn hobby. Cuz planking? That ain’t it. I mean really. Lying down in random places? Not only is this stupid, it just isn’t sanitary. Furthermore, this hot mess of a pastime has cost at least one man his life.
Aside: Stupid? Yes. Racist? No. And by “get a hobby,” I don’t mean, “come up with ‘Final Call’ worthy conspiracy theories.”
So, it appears planking is on the wane and you’ve caught onto a new trend – owling. Try again. No one wants your nasty azz feet on tables, showers or whatever else you decide to… *deep sigh* Besides, until someone can turn their head 180⁰, this looks more like drunk peeing.
So, I assumed that, after a summer of lockout-induced boredom, you kids had finally started to do something productive, like get ready to go back to school. Or get a job. Or, I don’t know, read a book? Noooooo. Now you’ve moved on to leisure diving. F*ck this, I am your people, and I’m sick of this nonsense. Suggestion 1: get a job. Suggestion 2: I realize it’s a recession. And if you’re determined to be useless – am I really suggesting this? – make money by starting your own reality show. Call it We Will Not Take It Lying Down. That was free. You’re welcome.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.