Dear Desean Jackson: Um, there’s a lockout and whatnot…
Dear Desean Jackson,
Sir, we need to talk. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the NFL is currently locked out. That means you may not have a paying job next year. So can you please quit doing stuff like running up 2 steep bar tabs – racking up to $25,000 – in one night?
Let me break this down for you. Last season you made $470,000. You spent 5% of that in 2 hours. Doesn’t sound like much? These athletes disagree.
Well you do have a side gig, Jaccpot (Why must I cry?) Records. Sound like a good investment? Um, no. Plenty of athletes have hemorrhaged money into labels that went bust, and the last guy to have an album called Jackpot could potentially outsell you.
But I am your people, and I’m here for you. First of all, if you’re going to spend money, get some of Suze Orman’s books. Don’t buy anything unless it is approved and you can afford it. And quit twitpicing your receipts – all you’ll do is attract more groupies. Beat the groupies at their own game and do a Redman-style episode of Cribs.
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.