Dear LeBron: enjoy your homecoming

Dear LeBron,

Tonight, you go back home to Cleveland, and you’re probably saying to yourself…“what should I do?”

Should you apologize to the hometown fans you betrayed?
Should you prepare for synchronized jeers?
Should you spend your flight writing hate mail to Anthony Tolliver?
Should you say you wanted to sign with a winner?
Should you throw out all your Old Spice?
Should you be happy South Park didn’t turn you into a gay fish?
Should you be happy that what you did was ethical?
Should you take Chuck out for doughnuts?
Should you run for office?
Should you publicly disrespect your coach?
Should you apologize to Michael Jordan?

Well, no matter what I said about you before, I am your people, and I’m here for you. The fact is that you WILL be booed. The fact is that you promised Cleveland a championship and bolted out of town at the first chance. (And that worked out for Karl Malone leaving the Utah Jazz after 18 years for a guaranteed championship with the Lakers…how? Oh.) Instead of worrying about whether or not you should do the powder toss before the game, try to think of how your 11-8 Heat can win it. In other words, this time when you come to Cleveland, don’t quit.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: Nike Basketball: LeBron Rise , Dan Wantz , Black Sports Online , Mr. Anthony Tolliver , It’s the Real , Popeater , South Park Studios , Jack and Jill Politics , Twitter , Fisher for Ohio , Stiletto Jill , Necole Bitchie