VMA Blog, Part I: MTV, F*ck you!
You were worse than the BET Awards. Seriously. The good only thing about the VMAs was Twitter, and 99% of tweeters were too bored to be clever. This award show looked like something thrown together as a mid-term project for a Media 101 class. Here are all the ways you failed:
West Coast Tape Delay You can’t be serious. I assume the Grammys and Tonys air three hours late since they’re old and out of touch. But a for a network that is social media savvy enough to have a Twitter jockey to do this is basically saying, “f*ck y’all, enjoy the spoilers.” I was forced to watch your janky, silent live stream on MTV.com
until I was directed to an illegal live feed that allowed me to watch the show perfectly from Florence and the Machine on out.
Preshow MTV – it’s bad enough you can’t figure out this whole “Black artists” phenomenon, but who co-signed on will.i.am performing in blackface? I assume you saw that mess in rehearsal? They did practice, right? Maybe not…
Tweets FTW! Beth Lanai , Elon James White , will.i.am
Chelsea Handler as host Who? I don’t know who she is, but she was so unfunny, I’m looking forward to seeing Mike Epps host the BET Hip-Hop Awards. The best part of her opening was Rick Ross throwing her over the handlebars of his Hoveround and driving off.
Tweets FTW! Dana Cortez
Kim Kar-You-Effin-Kidding-Me Did the announcer really say, “fashion icon, Kim Kardashian?” I know who ever wrote that down was thinking, ‘she doesn’t do anything, so how do we introduce her?” Easy – you could have said “reality star Kim Kardashian.” If you were really smart, you would have taken the time to promote Ray J’s show on your sister network.
Tweets FTW! courtney
Taylor Swift? WTF? I mean for real? You started off with the video of Taylor being, er, Kanye’d. What kind of f*ckery was that? Did you think we forgot? And then was kind of bullsh*t song did you co-sign on? That barefoot, all white wearing virginal imagery wasn’t fooling anyone. I spent the whole time waiting for footage of Emmit Till’s open casket funeral as a gentle reminder as to why you don’t talk to White women crazy.
Tweets FTW! Miss Zindzi , Luvvie , Insanity Report , LeeLee Potatoes
Overall, the VMAs did epic sh*t. But I am your people, MTV, and I don’t want to see you fail again next year. First of all, show that you care about all your fans and air the show live nationwide. Next, hire a host who’s funny. You did this for the MTV Movie Awards – maybe you could have gotten a discount if you would have hired Aziz Anzari for two shows. Also, if anyone asks to use the spotlight to get revenge on someone, politely decline. You could also throw in acts with talent, a decent preshow and a cease and desist order on lip synching. If you do that, the VMAs might finally be
I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.