Zach Randolph: Stays Losing

Editor’s note: I was planning on blogging on athletes today, and good news Albert Haynesworth – someone messed up even worse that you did today!

From The Indy Channel:

INDIANAPOLIS — An NBA player and former Marion basketball standout has been implicated in an Indianapolis drug investigation.
According to a probable cause affidavit, a trusted police informant identified Memphis Grizzlie [sic] player Zach Randolph as a major marijuana supplier in Indianapolis, 6News’ Jack Rinehart reported.

Dear Zach Randolph,

Why must I cry? The Memphis Grizzlies paid you $16 million this season, but noooooo, that’s just not enough. You just had to get a side job. At least Ron Artest’s was at Best Buy. You decided to keep strippers employed by selling marijuana.

Let’s look at this picture: your boy was caught driving an Escalade with secret compartments with weed and heat, and you had two storage lockers hiding even more weed. Now I’m sure you’re perfectly innocent. If you’re only making $16mil, you can’t afford to buy a house large enough to have on-site storage. And there’s a perfectly logical reason to have an SUV with secret compartments, and the cops can’t just search them in a routine traffic stop. They need a warrant so…wait…they were tipped off by an informant and the cops had warrants?

Sounds like you’re screwed. But that’s why I’m here. I’m not a lawyer, but I can at least help you with your image.

First of all, someone else was driving your stolen car. It’s not like YOU’RE Nate Newton. So here’s what you do. You remind this person whom you no longer know that he was living off of both your NBA money AND your drug money. Since he lived it up on your dime, he’d better take the fall for you. You can also blame him for your problem.

Remember it Mike Vick? His friends kept him in dog fighting, despite the NFL millions, and they were the first to sell him out at the trial so they could walk. What I’m saying is, I don’t think before I give examples is that I won’t let it happen to you. You can also remind the judge that, as far as NBA players go, you’re really not that famous. So dropping the charges won’t set a bad example; kids don’t look up to you. If your former goes to jail and you still need those weed residuals, find someone who really needs the cash to work for you.

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources:

Hoops Hype, Wikipedia , The Indy Channel , About.com