I Am Your People

Note – search for “Accidental Racist” “Brad Paisley” “LL Cool J” in YouTube. The original video has been pulled, as have many of the rips. This video may be gone when you read this.

Dear LL Cool J and Brad Paisley,

I listened to your new song “Accidental Racist,” and after several minutes of punching the air, singing “Why Must I Cry” and wall-sliding into oblivion, I decided to finally write a review of your raggedy azz song. My commentary is in bold.

To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand, when I put on that t-shirt the only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan. (Here’s an idea – buy another Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt. Or wear another T-shirt all together. And real, you wore it to Starbucks? You’re just trying to start isht.)
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south. And I just walked him right in the room just a proud rebel son (If you’re using this phrase there is nothing ‘accidental’ about your racism) with an ‘ol can of worms, lookin’ like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view.
(Your point of view? You’re a white man in American, EVERYTHING is your point of view)

I’m just a white man (*takes out world’s smallest violin*) comin’ to you from the southland tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done. And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history, our generation didn’t start this nation, (You aren’t exactly refunding that white privilege now, are you?) we’re still pickin’ up the pieces, walkin’ on eggshells, fightin’ over yesterday, and caught between southern pride and southern blame. (Wait – YOU’RE picking up the pieces? Fighting over yesterday? How about quit being a d1ck and not wearing a rebel flag T-shirt to a Starbucks. And can southern pride be a simple state T-shirt you get at a tourist trap? I…I…just don’t have the time or 15 extra memory cards in my computer for this.)

They called it Reconstruction, fixed the buildings, dried some tears. (The F**************************CK? Slavery ended by ‘drying some tears?’ Perhaps you have forgotten Plessy v. Ferguson, the Civil Rights Movement, Stop and Frisk… ) We’re still siftin’ through the rubble after a hundred-fifty years, I try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to begin. But it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin (You can’t put on someone else’s skin. But TAKE OFF THE D*MN LYNYRD SKYNRD T-SHIRT.)

‘Cause I’m a white man livin’ in the southland, just like you. I’m more than what you see I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done. (But you’re masquerading around in that d*mn rebel flag T-shirt) And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history, our generation didn’t start this nation, and we’re still paying for the mistakes (WHITE PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR THE MISTAKES, WAIT…WHAT??????)That a bunch of folks made long before we came, and caught between southern pride and southern blame. (Never in my Black-azz life have I heard ‘Northern Pride,’ ‘Midwestern Pride,’ ‘West Coast Pride,’ or ‘East Coast Pride.’ And it’s only white people saying this. Cuz guess what –IT’S RACIST!)

Dear Mr. White Man, (Really LL? You started with that slave-azz greeting? Did Brad Paisley start with ‘Mr. Black Man?’) I wish you understood what the world is really like when you’re livin’ in the hood. (Thank you for perpetuating the stereotype that there are no poor white people. *slow clap*) Just because my pants are saggin’ doesn’t mean I’m up to no good. (You’re 40+ and saggin? My money’s on mentally ill, not criminal.) You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would. Now my chains are gold but I’m still misunderstood. (I legit have no idea what this means) I wasn’t there when Sherman’s March turned the south into firewood. I want you to get paid but be a slave I never could. (PLEASE don’t tell me that was sympathy for slave owners. I. Just. Won’t.) Feel like a new fangled Django, dodgin’ invisible white hoods. So when I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinkin’ it’s not all good I guess we’re both guilty of judgin’ the cover not the book. I’d love to buy you a beer, conversate (conver- NOOOOOOO!) and clear the air. But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn’t here.

I’m just a white man (If you don’t judge my do-rag) Comin’ to you from the southland (I won’t judge your red flag.) (WAIT….so a do-rag, something meant to preserve your hairdo, is the same as a rebel flag, which was meant to glorify slavery and racism? This is why Christopher Dorner went on a rampage) Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be I’m proud of where I’m from (If you don’t judge my gold chains) But not everything we’ve done (I’ll forget the iron chains.) (So you’ve got money now and we can forget slavery. *muffles scream in pillow*) It ain’t like you and me can re-write history (Can’t re-write history baby) (You do realize that’s EXACTLY what this song is doing? See: the Reconstruction verse)

Oh, Dixieland (The relationship between the Mason-Dixon needs some fixin’) I hope you understand what this is all about (Quite frankly I’m a black Yankee but I’ve been thinkin’ about this lately) I’m a son of the new south (The past is the past, you feel me) And I just want to make things right (Let bygones be bygones) (Let bygones be bygones? Can I get my 40 acres and a mule out this piece?) Where all that’s left is southern pride (RIP Robert E. Lee (I just had a seizure) but I’ve gotta thank Abraham Lincoln for freeing me, know what I mean (Y’all hell-bent on re-writing history) It’s real, it’s real It’s truth.

This song is exactly what white people want to think about racism, that it’s just an ‘oops’ moment, that tears were just dried after slavery. I don’t have enough patience to deal with all the racial and sociopolitical bullish in this song, since that would be a PhD dissertation. But I am your people, and you’ve done the right thing to remove the original video from YouTube. Now please abandon the name “Accidental Racist,” as it makes as much sense as “Accidental Rapist.” I…just…can’t…believe…this…happened…

I am your people. Read the comments for advice from my people.

Sources: New Playlist HD ,
Color Lines , Wikipedia , Tumblr